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I’ve lived with my single mother all my life in the UK. My bank accounts and all details, electoral etc are at the same address I’ve lived my entire life with her at. Growing up, whenever we (my siblings and I) earned, my mother had access to our bank accounts and our earnings just went into a collective pot towards the household expenditure. If ever we wanted to spend money, we sought permission, else faced the threat of being kicked out and trying to find a place of our own, which at 16, 17, 18, 19, whilst studyingetc isn;t the optimal route. Was always told we could spend money how we wanted if we moved out, and were always reminded of the cost of living out eg “try living on your own with the small amount you earn and see if you’d be able to drive a car, eat out, do groceries, have acccess to a house etc” which was always true-would not have been able to do it on our own.

Anyway, the problem I’m facing atm is that all my details are known to my mother- banking accounts, online banking info, DOB, passport info etc, and naturally so… now, even if I were to change some details, she could always call up pretending to be me and pass security as she knows all info about me..my bank statements etc get sent to my home address, and even if I did paperless, she could still access everything by logging into my account. She has a copy of my passport and could easily pass security of many companies.

How do I gain independence and anonymity/disassociation from her?

I am abroad since 2020, and she’s managed to open a bank account and obtain credit cards in my name… they way I know? I managed to access a credit checking service that informed me of this.

I had a mobile phone, and whilst abroad, she’s reported my sim/phone as being stolen, so a new one was sent to the UK address, and she’s now using that sim.

I’ve also found out that she’s renting a property at a different address, subletting it, but has used my name as the landlord! She has then used the mobile number that she reported as stolen/lost on these tenancy contracts. How do I stop all this!? How do I get my life back?

My sister moved out in 2014, and my mother uses her name and forges her signature on lots of things. She managed to track where my sister moved to by creating a Clearscore account. Knowing my sister’s DOB, name, some bank accounts etc, she created the account, and on there,it disclosed further info of what accounts my sister had and where they were registered to, what financed/debts/credits my sister had/has etc.. she could easily do this to me and know my future whereabouts too, which I do not want


I’ve fallen out with her since last year. I am not on good terms with my siblings either.

I have no idea who to report her to, because the police would advise that this matter is a civil matter..

I think she should go to jail for this. She isn;t stopping this behavior. I’ve just gotten an email to say that some concert tix have been booked.

She isn’t putting me in any debt, coz she has the money/ her own means to ensure there’s money in my account, but she is still using me as a front and I don’t know how to stop this! I want to go back to the UK, and can;t coz I know she’ll find a way to track my whereabouts, could try and misuse my ID if I tell her no.

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    Is all of this identity fraud not illegal in the UK? Report her criminal activity to the authorities.
    – Hart CO
    Sep 11, 2021 at 22:15
  • I’ve fallen out with her since last year. I am not on good terms with my siblings either. I have no idea who to report her to, because the police would advise that this matter is a civil matter.. I think she should go to jail for this. She isn;t stopping this behavior. I’ve just gotten an email to say that some concert tix have been booked.
    – user111759
    Sep 14, 2021 at 20:04
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    She isn’t putting me in any debt, coz she has the money/ her own means to ensure there’s money in my account, but she is still using me as a front and I don’t know how to stop this! I want to go back to the UK, and can;t coz I know she’ll find a way to track my whereabouts, could try and misuse my ID if I tell her no.
    – user111759
    Sep 14, 2021 at 20:04
  • "I have no idea who to report her to, because the police would advise that this matter is a civil matter.." In the US this is criminal because it's identity theft.
    – Hart CO
    Sep 14, 2021 at 20:54
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    In the UK, Action Fraud is the place to report this. From what I hear on the BBC Radio programme Money Box, their responses aren't always great, but it might be worth reporting there anyway, so that you can honestly say you have. It might be worth sending this in as a question to Money Box itself. Sep 17, 2021 at 17:34

2 Answers 2

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The "Personal Finance" answer to this is (relatively) simple. As Hart CO says in a comment, report her.
What she is doing is fraud against you, your siblings, and whoever else is caught up in this - like "your" sub-let tenant at the rented property.
But more realistic might be something of an "Interpersonal Skills" answer...

You probably need to give your mother an ultimatum and a timeframe to undo this mess she's created - starting off with immediately cancelling all the credit cards she's opened in your name, and ensuring that she creates a plan to pay off any debt she's gotten into in your name with in a timeframe you think is reasonable (and be realistic here - that's not likely to happen with a couple of weeks unless she suddenly wins the lottery).
Some of the stuff she's gotten up to will take time to untangle, and it would be good if you could try to minimize the fallout on innocents (like that unsuspecting tenant of yours).
You need to set up a set of steps, with consequences if she fails to follow though on them.

You also need to immediately take some independent action of your own and at the very least contact the major credit reporting agencies in the UK to "lock down" your credit to prevent any new accounts being opened without your permission, and inform them that you are a victim of identity theft (because you are).

She's almost certainly going to be very resistant to any idea of changing the status-quo, so you may need to think up some immediate consequences if she fails to even engage with you on the topic. You really need the active support of your other siblings here. You need to meet with them to talk about this and you all need to decide that you're in this together - or you'll just end up being the bad guy.

Unfortunately the simple answer of just reporting her to the police, banks, etc. is most likely to have the greatest fallout and possibly least likely to leave everyone involved with debts paid and tenancies maintained.

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This is really a relationship issue, and may become a legal issue - not really about money or personal finance.

Start by talking to your mother about it and explaining that you are an independent adult and it's not okay to use your personal information, impersonate you, open accounts in your name, etc. Tell her that if she doesn't permanently stop immediately and help you clean up this mess, you'll have to report this to criminal authorities.

Then step 2 is to follow-through one way or the other on step 1. You and she work together to clean up the mess, or you call the police.

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  • It is about money… she’s using my name and accounts and hiding behind me… she’s not using her name or her Id. She’s stolen my identity and if I don’t continue to let her, she’ll always stalk and find me and then try to get me in trouble..
    – user111759
    Sep 16, 2021 at 8:40

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