I think you are better off coming here then a place like wall street bets, where their advice would be to keep going.
Your issue is that you are speculating with very large amounts of money in relationship to your net worth. You can't afford to take those kinds of losses. In gambling parlance, you are playing above your bankroll.
First off you need to build a solid base. That is your emergency fund, that is sitting in a boring savings account, should probably be on the order of 6 months of expenses. So probably between 15 and 20K.
Next there should be a regular boring stream of systematic investments. Index funds, with probably a 80-20% allocation with 20% in a bond fund. Each and every month, boom, invested. The only thing you want to do here is re-balance occasionally (like once a year). Many people use a IRA/Roth IRA or 401K for this kind of thing.
Once you have a couple of hundred k built up, then it is okay to play some with options. I would not play that large until you are well north of a million, but you could play some.
In the end, you will tire of such activities. Losing hard earned money is tough especially when you see how easy, painless, and profitable things are with systematic index investing.
BTW, you are normal. Speculators might be encouraged by a few early wins, but one bad trade makes their initial investment and gains disappear.
So imagine this situation when you have 200k sitting in a bond fund, and an emergency fund with 50K. While it would suck, you would not be as emotionally shaken as you are now. However, at some point, you would realize that there are smarter ways to make money and not fall for a "get rich quick scheme".